Friday, 14 June 2013
A few weeks ago I wrote about my awkward date with "Happy". If you missed it, you can read it HERE to get caught up to speed.
After our awkward date, I hadn't heard from him nor did I make any effort to contact him. I had moved on. It had been a month with no contact when he texted me again out of the blue. His message said "so how are you?". While our date had been awkward, our other two interactions had been fun. I was willing to give him another chance but hadn't bothered to go out of my way to reach out to him. Since he was reaching out to me, I figured I would play along.
We had a bit of back and forth chit chat, things seemed to be going fine. He asked what I was doing this weekend, and stated that we should have a movie date. I was thinking "ok, maybe he's finally ready for a REAL date"! I asked him what movie he would like to see. His first response was "hell if I care". UMMmmmmm..... this was where things went downhill last time. Me asking him to make a decision and him not doing it.
So I figured fine, I'll throw out a few movies i'm interested and see what he says. I was blown away by his response. He suggested we watch some Netflix. Given that I already know he doesn't own a couch, I realize he is inviting himself to my house AGAIN. WHAT. THE. FUCK.???
On our awkward date I had informed Happy that he should never tell a girl to cook for him, nor invite himself over to her house before ever being invited first. Clearly he hadn't absorbed that useful information.
YOU DO NOT INVITE YOURSELF OVER TO A WOMAN'S HOUSE IF SHE HAS NOT INVITED YOU OVER BEFORE. Especially when you haven't chatted with said woman in over a month, and the last time you saw here it didn't go so well and you hadn't heard from her since.
I'm just baffled. How can a guy be so incredibly dumb? The smart move would have been to invite me to the movie, let me pick the movie, take me out, buy me popcorn and twizzlers, and then MAYBE I would invite you over afterwards for a drink. He would have totally gotten the chance to see me this weekend if he had approached the situation correctly. HIS LOSS.
The adventure continues......
Friday, 07 June 2013
Ok, I NEED MY READER'S HELP!! I'm throwing my hands in the air and rolling my eyes. I just don't know how to interpret messages.
I would typically ignore this message completely because the writer doesn't have a single photo or word written in his profile. I see red flags all over the message. However, I have been told by others who have done the online dating thing and had success, that messages can be really awkward because neither side really knows what to write to get the conversation started and keep it going. Maybe i'm just hyper sensitive and overprotective??
WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Here is the message from "lovequest"
"Ok.. This is a little out of the standard protocol.
First, I'm not active on the site (profile way incomplete), actually traveling, had some downtime, and decided to just see what's out there.
In terms of me.. I'm very selective, intelligent, tall (6"4"), 215lbs, never married, no kids, work as a consultant, born and raised in MN, Black, a very good human being!
Now, why am I approaching you.. First it was the creativity that caught my eye (writer/photographer), second it was your looks (very attractive), and lastly.. It was the reference to being a strong woman, I like that!
Look, I know how this goes, this may be something you read and keep moving.. And I'm cool with that. However, if you're up for something intellectually stimulating, write back!"
Ok readers, it's YOUR turn. What would YOU do? Would you respond? If so, what would you say??
Thursday, 06 June 2013
Since I started writing this blog, I have been asked by a few people "why are you doing online dating if it's so bad?" Well, i'm glad you asked. Let me tell you!!
Dating used to be easy. I never, ever had trouble finding men to date. I always managed to find relationships that lasted. Relationships that were mostly "normal". Yes, I have been married twice, and I clearly don't have my shit together, but at least I can admit it. But dating in your 30's is TOTALLY different than I had ever imagined.
Now, I'm not looking for a Fairy Tale, or the perfect mate. I don't have any illusions that I will find Mr. Right (if I do, swell, but it's not why i'm online). I'm looking for someone to hang out with, have fun with. I'm sick of "Sex, Lies, and Married Men" (which will be the title of my book btw!).
The past two years have been full of: men that cheated on me, men that cheated on their girlfriends with me, men that cheated on their wives with me, men who lied to me, men who disrespected me. Clearly I didn't respect myself, or I wouldn't have allowed myself to be in these relationships in the first place. But I was LONELY. And loneliness causes us to do things we wouldn't necessarily do otherwise.
The past 6 months (the winter blues) were particularly lonely. I just wanted to find someone I could go out and have dinner with, go to a movie with, hold hands with, have some hot sex with, and just be "me" with. I had been encouraged by numerous friends to give online dating a try. And while it hasn't yielded much result yet, I am not quite ready to give up on it. I can continue to sift through the messages, looking for a glimpse of a good guy. Hey, it can't get a whole lot worse than what i've been through the past two years, right?! I just wish it would hurry up a bit.
The adventure continues......
Tuesday, 04 June 2013
After being on an online dating site for three months, I FINALLY ~ FINALLY had a message that intrigued me. A message that told me he had taken the time to read my profile. He wrote in complete sentences and for the most part used correct spelling and grammar (hey, I can overlook some of it, we all make mistakes). He appeared to smart, witty, funny, and a tad bit nerdy (which I dig). I will refer to him as "Happy995".
Happy (for short) showed me he took the time to actually read my entire profile. He inserted his sense of humor and asked me questions based off of what I wrote in my profile. He offered me a glimpse into some of the things he liked without telling me too much (making me want to visit his profile and check him out).
I messaged back and forth with him a bit, and decided I was comfortable giving Happy my phone number. (which I am super hesitant to do because one google search of it tells you where I live, work, and play). We decided to meet for dinner with two of my friends. We had a very lovely evening. He was funny, but without being self-sarcastic (HAAAATE when guys are like), we seemed to have a lot in common, my friends thought he was cool, and we invited him over to their house for an after dinner drink. He was respectful in walking me to my car and didn't swoop in for a kiss (this wasn't even technically a date yet, it was a last minute invite to join me and my friends).
I decided to invite Happy out with my friends again the following week to celebrate her birthday. It took him THREE DAYS to respond to me. Apparently he hadn't seen my message. Ok, so tell me this. When you're first "dating" and "getting to know" someone, wouldn't you check your phone regularly to see if they may have texted you and you missed it? Especially after regularly texting for a few days? Whatever, I let that go.
We met at the restaurant, and again, he charmed me with his humor and the casual way he easily got along with my friends. We seemed to be hitting it off. I told him if he wanted to ask me out on a real date, I would say yes :)
AND THEN IT ALL WENT BAD.
He asked me if I would like to have dinner later the next week. I said yes, of course. He asked where I would like to go, and I told him to decide (he had talked about all the great restaurants he'd been to when we were out the first night). HIS RESPONSE??! "you could always cook dinner". WHAT?!?! BACK THAT BOAT UP. DID HE REALLY JUST SAY THAT??
I responded back with "LOL, you have so much to learn about me". This girl don't cook. And not for a fucking first date yo. Mr. Happy responded back with "I'm cool with PB&J" ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? part of the problem with texting is you can't read tone and context. But I'm pretty sure what I was hearing was "I want to come over to your house and get you naked". Which, admittedly, would be fine AFTER AT LEAST A FIRST DATE.
I ignored the last text the rest of the day until he said "hurry up Amy, where are we gonna go? It's in a couple hours!" UGH!! By this point I am so freaking annoyed I don't even want to meet him. But I chalk it up to PMS and decide to make the most of it. I told him a place and a time and we agreed to meet there.
The entire date was so awkward. I realize I was already annoyed and PMSing as I arrived, but the conversations went nowhere. Where was the funny guy I met the other two nights?? Was he hiding behind the security of others?? I told him I was tired and crabby because he kept accusing me of glaring at him (which I really don't think I was ~ I can admit when i'm glaring, i've definitely been known to do it).
Speed to the end of dinner. The waiter brought the check in one of those books and stood it up at the end of the table. He said to lay it down when we were ready for him to take our payment. We sat and chatted in awkwardness for about a half hour before he asked if I was ready to head out. I said sure and he reached for his wallet, he sat his credit card oddly over the top of the standing book, signaling me that Happy wasn't paying for my meal. I reached for my purse, pulled out my wallet and look at the tab to see what I owed. He said nothing. The waiter asked if he should split the tab and he said YES a little too quickly.
Ok, so I am not out looking for free meals and I don't "EXPECT" a guy to pay for me. But when you finally ask me out to dinner, for the first time, just the two of us, wouldn't a gentleman pick up the tab?? I admit, it was a super awkward date, but that was just as much on his part as well as mine. Sigh. Am I totally wrong here??
And men say women are confusing.
until my next adventure......
Monday, 03 June 2013
The biggest annoyance I have when it comes to online dating is the lack of a "wow factor" when approaching me in your first message.
In a previous entry I addressed: "How NOT To Message A Woman" and I guess this could be considered a continuation of that post. If you can't WOW me in your first message to me, i'm not interested. I'm gonna move on to the next mesage. Don't tell me "your beautiful" (that was an intentional typo, more on that later). Don't say "Hi" and that's it. Don't ask me for my phone number. Don't ask me if we should hookup. Don't say "waz up". Freaking show me you're capable of initiating an intelligent conversation. Show me that you've read my profile and are interested in me, not just attracted to my photos.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not expecting a deep, philosophical conversation right out of the gate. But I AM suggesting you at least TRY to sound intelligent, interested, and interesting. (hint: intelligence is super sexy).
AND ~ this is a big one for me and many women out there ~ DON'T SEND A MESSAGE IN "TEXT SPEAK". Learn how to write a sentence with correct grammar and spelling. The sentence "your beautiful" is NOT correct. It is a HUGE TURN OFF. Ok, maybe I am an English snob. But I want to date a man that knows the difference between "your and you're" as well as "there, their, and they're". Is that too much to ask??!
I actually had one message that met these criteria. I will share more about that experience in my next post!!
I hope that you'll continue to share my adventure with me
~ amy <3