azellmer's Xanga

Adventures in Online Dating | The Grumblers

Tue, 21 May 2013 13:01:00 GMT

Since I started sharing my online dating stories, I have been getting a lot of feedback from readers. People telling me to hang in there and keep with it; people telling me that they are embarrassed to be a man after seeing messages I receive; people telling me to pay for subscriptions if I am serious about finding a good guy; and here's my favorite: the people on those sites are the bottom of the barrel and only looking for sex.

WAAAAIIIIIIT A MINUTE!!!!!!

I am one of those people on one of those sites! What are you trying to say about me??

I joined the site because I was tired of always being alone, I wanted to have someone (of the opposite sex) to hang out with, go to dinner with, watch a movie with, take a long walk or bike ride with, hold hands with, and yes, maybe even have sex with! (you were all thinking it, so I just went ahead and said it!) I just know that there are men that actually joined the site for the same reasons.

Perhaps the "good men" are actually just shy about sending a message. Maybe it really is all the creepers sending messages. Or maybe they really aren't creepers at all, but just come across that way because they feel awkward and don't really know what to write. I have only messaged a few men (because there have only been a few that I was actually interested in) and I haven't heard back from them! (well, I heard back from one, he told me I was too old and he wasn't interested but wished me the best of luck. Oh how polite!).

Well, I am not giving up just yet. It's just too fun to write about ;)
I hope you continue to join me on my adventure!
~amy <3

Adventures in Online Dating | Your Profile Photo

Mon, 20 May 2013 14:00:00 GMT

Ok, so I realize that I am a photographer and that photos are important to me. So I want to make it clear that I am taking off my "photographer hat" here and writing as a woman on an online dating site. Ok? Ok!

First of all, and most importantly: USE A PHOTO OF YOUR FREAKING FACE. I don't care what your abs, chest, arms, or back look like. I want to see your face. I want to know what you look like. What are you afraid of?? Although I must admit, that the guy can not be prettier than the girl. I must be the pretty one in the relationship ;)

Secondly, try to take a decent photo of yourself. I may sound shallow in saying this, but I am sure I am not alone. If I don't like your profile photo, I move on. I don't bother to take the time to read your profile. If I don't feel any sort of connection from your photo, I'm over and done. You may be an attractive guy, but your photo sucks. Ask a friend to snap one for you if you're not able to do it yourself.

Third, have more than just ONE photo in your profile. I want to get to know you, see the different sides of your personality and character. If you have only one photo, even if it's a really GREAT photo, I may not make a connection with you.

Fourth, please do not use images of you with a harem of women hanging off of you. This is a major buzzkill. What do you think you're going to prove here? That you have some magnetism and charm that causes women to want to hang off of you?? If it's your sister, mom, daughter, write so in the description. I think it's cool you're a family guy. But not cool that you run with a harem. Just sayin'.

I personally have about 10 images of myself on my profile. Some of me alone and some with me and my dog (I want full disclosure up front that I am a crazy dog lady!). I am sure I missed some key points, but these are four that are important to me and I am sure to many other women in the online dating world as well.

I hope that you will continue to join me on my adventure!
~amy <3

Adventures In Online Dating | How NOT To Message A Woman

Mon, 20 May 2013 03:01:58 GMT

Adventures In Online Dating | How NOT To Message A Woman

In February I decided to create an online dating profile to see what may or may not be out there. I had had several friends (quite a few actually) encourage me to get on a dating site. They said it could be fun and to give it a try. They said it was time to go ahead and start dating guys, if nothing else, meet them for coffee or dinner and see what I think of them.

So I created a profile with about 10 images of myself; an honest profile of who I am and what I do; what I am looking for in a guy; disclaimed that I am a crazy dog lady; and then sat back and waited. It took about 2 months before I really started getting any inquiries, and man was I not prepared for what I was getting!!

I am getting a mailbox full of messages something along the lines of "your beautiful. you have the most amazing eyes and gorgeous smile". That's it. Just a few words about how beautiful I am. yea, yea, yea. I know. I'm well aware. I've NEVER heard those lines before. What makes these men think I might actually message them back and go on a REAL LIFE DATE with them??? Did you even READ my profile or did you only look at the pretty pictures??

Some of the best (read with sarcasm) messages I have gotten (copy and pasted for full impact):
"if you can KISS please reply !!!!! gorgeous !!!!!!"
"to bad you are not into casual sex, that might be fun, but a bad night..... damn "
"hi there how are you doing?beautiful photos.."
"Hello your beautiful we should hook up this morning"

I would like to reiterate that these are the FIRST messages these people have sent me. Not very good opening lines, in my opinion. But heck, who knows, maybe they actually work! Maybe I am just missing the bus here!!

Anyways, I hope will you continue to join me on my adventure!
~amy <3

A Photographer's Play-Time in Vegas | Amy Zellmer

Sun, 26 Feb 2012 22:16:47 GMT

A Photographer's Play-Time in Vegas

This past week I had the pleasure of joining approximately 12,000 fellow photogs in Las Vegas for our annual convention of WPPI (Wedding and Portrait Photographers International). This was my fourth year attending with my awesome professional lab, Northwest Professional Color. I was fortunate to spend a week with the greatest lab owners in the world, Susan and Andy Rau; along with Greg Carlock and Martin Grahame-Dunn in an MGM Sky Loft!!

Each night we hosted a hospitality night and photoshoots in our Loft, and I was able to photograph some outstanding models, including America's Got Talent Seth Grabel, who has his own Vegas show at the Roayl House. I also photographed some Vegas Show Girls, a Vegas Belly Dancer, and our beautiful model Keely. We also hosted a photoshoot in Nelson, a ghost town, on Saturday afternoon with about a dozen awesome photographers.

I love spending time with my favorite photographers and friends, and I love learning more and more every year I attend. I love meeting new photographers, and networking and exchanging information and skills. It fuels my creative juices and always leaves me feeling recharged, (although this year it left with me a cold and cough as well LOL) 6 days of running full speed and little sleep take their toll on a gal, but I wouldn't trade it for anything!!! I can handle a little sickness ;) It made me long to come home and try out some new techniques and line up clients and models for new sessions and styles that I want to implement! It also inspired me to really kick up my Rock Star 101 teleclass, I know it's an awesome class and know how much it will help other photographers improve their business and up their game!! I am excited to start making some changes and start kicking some more ass in everything that I have brewing! Be sure to join me for the ride, because it's going to be EPIC!

While in Vegas I also got to play a little bit! Friday night Susan and Andy took me to see Motley Crue at the Joint in the Hard Rock Hotel. It was an AMAZING show, they really truly put on a great performance and I am so glad I had the chance to see them! Saturday night I had free VIP tickets to the Vanity Nightclub in the Hard Rock Hotel, and danced to the mixes of nonother than Jersey Shore's DJ Pauly D. I know it's cliche, but I was super excited to see him in action! The club was PACKED and I partied it up until 4 a.m. Vegas style!! A gal's gotta have a little play time before focusing on work in Vegas!!

All in all I had an outstanding trip and came home feeling incredibly blessed knowing I am surrounded by outstanding photographers and friends. Here are some images I created, I hope you find them inspiring!!! (an contrary to popular belief, I actually DO get work done and learn stuff while in Vegas, but yes, I also DO play while I am there!)

Business Headshot Portraits | Twin Cities Photographer

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 12:33:00 GMT

Business Headshot Portraits

I have been crazy busy the past few months with a lot of Business Headshot Portraits. I am a big advocate for professional portraits for your website, business cards, marketing pieces, etc and I am not just saying that because I am a photographer ;)

Your photo usually is the first impression you will make with a potential client, and is so critical in today's age of internet. People have usually narrowed down their search of a professional to one or two online first, and typically with throw out any cadidates who do not have a professional photo on their site, and have instead opted for the "mug shot" up against a wall in their office.

Do yourself a favor this year and update your professional image with a headshot! We can accomodate you in the studio, or we will come to your business and photograph the entire staff on-location. We are also available to do product shoots, environmental portraits, and oh so much more to help you polish your look and presence online!!

Mason is Two | Shakopee Portrait Photographer

Fri, 17 Feb 2012 11:20:00 GMT

Mason is Two

Little Mr. Mason came in this week for his two year session. I have been photographing him since his mommy was pregnant with him and LOVE watching him grow, and his personality develop!! I have known his mom since back in the day when we worked at Chili's Eagan together so he is an extra special little client for me!!

His 18 month session was a bit touch-n-go and this session started out the same, but ended up with giggles and laughs a few minutes into it. I just love this random photo that I captured of him running towards me. Sometimes these "happy accidents" turn into some of my favorite fine-art-style photos! We managed to capture a bunch of great images, but this is my fave! Enjoy the sneak peek!

A Beautiful Boudoir Workshop | Twin Cities Boudoir Photographer

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 17:51:32 GMT

A Beautiful Boudoir

This past weekend I had the pleasure of teaching a Boudoir Workshop to a group of 8 fellow photographers in Duluth. The first half of the day I talked about marketing, pricing, sales, products, etc. and the second half of the day involved a model and photoshoot!

Gwen was our AMAZING model for the afternoon and she totally rocked it! I was able to demonstrate lighting and posing techniques to my class and then allowed them to dive in and take some shots of their own to build their portfolios.

I had a really awesome group of photographers and had a blast working with all of them. I am hoping to teach a few more workshops in the Duluth area, as well as surrounding states, in the near future. If you would like to help coordinate a workshop in your area, please contact me!! I would love to connect with you!

Thank you to everyone who attended, who helped with coordinating, and for making my stay in Duluth a BLAST! See you soon :)

Jolene's Body Art Session | Amy Zellmer photographic artist

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 12:22:00 GMT

Jolene's Body Art Session

There are clients that I become more attached to and feel like I am a part of their lives!! This is definitely one of them!!

Jolene and her family have been clients for almost four years when they were pregnant with their first child, Charlie! I photographed all of Charlie's First Year and then on his birthday every year since! In 2010 they were expecting their second child and came in for a pregnancy session. I hadn't heard from them about their newest arrival until David was almost two months old. He was born with a heart defect and was still in the hospital. Would I please come to the hospital to photograph him? Absolutely I will!!! And am I ever glad I did because little David passed away shortly afterwards.

The tattoo on her left leg is David's footprint from his birth certificate. They are now pregnant with a little baby girl and due the same time that David was born two years ago!! Such an amazing story of happy sadness!! I just love this family!!! Thank you for being a part of my Body Art Project!!

My Night In Jail ~ A Sexy Epilogue

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 12:06:00 GMT

My Night In Jail ~ A Sexy Epilogue

Being a photographer, a writer, a creative, makes for a wicked combination when an interesting story arises in my life. I love expressing myself through photography and written word, and when the two collide I feel even more empowered and inspired!

I knew I was going to blog about my experience with getting arrested and spending the night in jail, I knew this while sitting in my cold cell with nothing but my own imagination to entertain me. It only seemed appropriate that I would have photos of me in handcuffs to accompany the story, so I put out a feeler amongst my photog friends to see who would want to do it and arranged for my friend Candy Coughlin to come to my studio and help me create the vision I had in my head. I knew I wanted them to have dramatic lighting,converted to black and white, closely cropped and show my expressions of fear ,shame, annoyance, betrayal.

I also knew there was a sexier story here as well, and she did too! You all know I photograph beautiful women all the time. What you may not know is that I also have had my own boudoir photos taken on three different occasions. I felt it was important to be on the other side of the camera and to show my own photos on my boudoir website to help gain trust and confidence of potential clients. I wanted to create a bond with them so that they would feel comfortable while walking into an uncomfortable situation of taking your clothes off in front of a complete stranger.

Candy and I both knew I had to take some sexy boudoir inspired photos of me with the handcuffs…. It just wouldn’t be me if we didn’t. I am completely comfortable with my body and my sexuality. I am proud to post these photos of myself {insert LMFAO’s “I’m Sexy and I Know It” here} I share these with you in hopes that you too will be inspired to consider a boudoir shoot, or a photoshoot in general. To express who you are. To allow me to tell your story. To help create a memory, freezing a moment of your life into an image that you will cherish forever. A glimpse into your soul, your heart, your beauty, your confidence, and your uniqueness.

Read the rest of the story:
part one: http://bit.ly/z08W0I
part two: http://bit.ly/wCBGuc
part three: http://bit.ly/yiiCRZ

Photo Credit: Candy Coughlin http://candysphotography.com

My Night In Jail Part Three

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 12:34:00 GMT

My Night In Jail Part Three

After getting my car out of jail at 11a.m. I am finally able to go home and sleep!! I had been up for about 28 hours….. I haven’t done that since college! I lay down on the couch thankful that this whole ordeal is OVER and I wasn’t arrested on my way to photograph a wedding (can you imagine?)!! OVER….Or is it?!

Fast forward to the middle of January. I proceed to check my mailbox and what do I have but a letter from the Department of Motor Safety. Hunh, interesting. I open the letter and stare at it in shock. I clearly must be reading this wrong! My license is being REVOKED for 30 days starting on the13^th….. which is only 2 days away! I am angry, mad, sad, pissed off, I feel so lied to and violated. I AM NOT A CRIMINAL!! I THOUGH THIS WAS OVER!! Apparently I pled guilty to “driving without insurance” when I signed my release forms at the jail. OMG OMG OMG. How can I possibly go without a license for 30 days? Sure I can ride my bike to my studio (even in the snow) but how will I get to client meetings and photoshoots? After I collect myself up off the floor where I have been curled up in a ball crying, I call Liz and she talks me down off a cliff. She says she will call her lawyer in the morning and we will get this all straightened out. She will drive me around if she has to, and take me anywhere I need to go. It’s good to have amazing friends I tell ya!!!

The next day I go to the Scott County Courthouse to talk to someone in the DMV. The lady was super super sweet and listened to my story. She stated she has heard the same exact story far too many times and that there is clearly a flaw in our court system. But unfortunately in the state of MN by pleading guilty to the crime it is a mandatory 30 day revocation. UGH!!! But she gives me the information I need to head to Eagan to the Department of Motor Safety, explaining I will need to take a written test, apply for a new license, and talk to an “Evaluator” about getting a “work permit” so I can drive myself around for week. It’s only 30 days, I can get through this!!

The next day I arrive at the facility at 10:30a.m. I get in line to take my written test (which I missed two questions I shouldn’t have. Damnit!)I then get in line to apply for my license, (and to complicate the matter I have my divorce paperwork with me to change my name while I’m at it) and have a new photo taken. I ask to meet with the Evaluator and the clerk explained to me that I shouldn’t have any trouble getting a work permit and she has heard this same story too many times. Yet another person stating that the court system is flawed. The Evaluator has two people ahead of me and then has to take a lunch break so I have to sit in a waiting room….. for TWO HOURS!

I finally meet with the Evaluator. He is a rolly polly older man who looks super stern and I can’t read him at all. He asks me if I did indeed have insurance at the time of my May incident. Yes, I certainly did. Iam prepared and have the insurance information with me. He looks it over and scribbles on his pad of paper and then types on his ancient IBM computer. I sit there in silence, watching him scribble and type, looking around his office that is something out of the 80's, for about 30 minutes. I am beginning to think “oh crap, he’s not going to be able to do anything for me” just as he turns to me and says he has removed the revocation! I look at him and repeat it back, making sure I heard it right! Yes, he is removing the revocation. HOWEVER. Since I plead guilty to the crime, it will stay on my permanent record.

As it turns out I didn’t actually need to take my test or apply for a new license or wait at the DMV for THREE HOURS, but the fact that I can drive freely made my day!! The following Monday Liz took me to her lawyer just to talk and see if there was anything further we could do. He pulled up my record and found that it is a petty misdemeanor and will stay on my record. UGH!. I told him my entire story and he stated that unfortunately things like this (and far worse) happen to people. I wasn’t read my Miranda rights, I wasn’toffered a lawyer, nothing. I was pressured into signing a guilty verdict in exchange for being released from jail and mislead to believe that it was "over". I was mislead on a lot of levels but there was nothing that he could do for me. Which at this point is just fine. It’s over and done. I can drive. I can drive with a headlight out and not worry about going back to jail.

At the end of the day, It was about 12 hours of my life that I will never get back, but I still have my self-respect (even though there is a horrible mugshot of me in the system!!) AND it makes for an entertaining story that will never get old!
I hope you enjoyed it!!

(and I still wonder if the cop who arrested me is single?! Is that wrong of me?!)

{The End}

Photo by Candy Coughlin
Read Part one HERE: http://bit.ly/z08W0I
Read Part Two HERE: http://bit.ly/wCBGuc

DISCLAIMER:
These blog entries are soley based on my personal experience in Scott County and do not necessarily reflect any actual events or people. Any similarities are coincidence.
I was screwed over...... but have no one to blame but myself.......